Q: What dont great brands have to do?
A: Sell themselves.
Coke doesnt have to advertise flavor. It associates itself with happy images. Apple doesnt have to detail its great functionalities. It can just contrast itself with a clunky PC Bill-Gates stand-in.
Its exactly the same thing with dating.
In fact, its even more important in dating.
If you find yourself selling yourself youre selling yourself short.
And turning away women.
Women secretly hate it when you sell yourself. When you list your attributes. They sense weakness in the song and dance.
As always, online profiles are a great way to measure what guys are doing offline. So many guys profiles read like this
Hi, I am a really great guy. A diamond in the rough! One of a kind. I can do a hundred push-ups. I dress really well! I drive a BMW. I am kind and sensitive and manly!
In person, women may act like they are flattered when men dance for them like this. But what they like is the temporary power such flattery makes them feel.
The kind of power that vanishes the second the interaction is over -- because now they are left empty of that experience. All they retain is the uncomfortable feeling that you are submissive and dorky. They liked the feeling for a moment, but selling yourself leaves them feeling no connection at all, no sense of the solid man behind the show.
Go read twenty other guys ads. They almost all focus on listing their attributes. Very data-centric. Very puffed-up feathers, wild animal display behavior.
And very, very ineffective. Why?
Because the choose me! Buy me! advertising bullets that clutter most guys profiles blur one into the next. The effect is not only as if you are a car salesman or a vacuum salesman, but a salesman among a thousand others!
And anyway, is that how you want her to perceive you? As a floor salesman? As a carnie? A sidewalk hawker?
Think for a moment: in our culture, are those powerful, attractive models of manhood?
No. What else is wrong with the Im so great buy me! pattern of online personals writing? Well, from a semiotic point of view, many things:
*Facts are boring to women, they want feeling.
*Facts are bare, they are not contextualized into a story of who you are. Stories and fantasy visions are compelling and exciting!
*Facts are a writing no-no they are stated, or said, not shown and as any writer will tell you, the only power is in showing, not telling. You must show or demonstrate your attributes by what you write and how you write. It must be indirect, or a result of who you are. You must not blabber about how great you are.
*Your facts are unsubstantiated. Theres no back up. No testimonials.
Why should she believe you? Think about this
Can you imagine an infomercial where someone like Tony Robbins gets up for 30 minutes and just says how freakin fantastic he is?! How annoying and non-convincing would that be? Now throw in Nelson Mandela and movie producers and CEOs of Fortune 500 Companies interspersed in this commercial and now you have powerful selling. Because Tony, in the mind of the viewer, isnt selling himself.
Instead, become The Desirable Brand.
Or, as genius internet marketer, Alex Mandossian, says,
Educate Overtly; Sell Covertly.
What is your target market?
Any marketing expert knows two things:
1. Only a fool creates a product and casts around for a market.
2. The truly brilliant marketers find the market need first and then fulfill that need.
How do you apply this to dating? The easiest way in the world is with online dating, where women actually tell you exactly what they want in a man!
All you have to do is read their profiles very, very closely. Read between the lines, identify what they desire in a man. Are they asking for humor? Quiet authority? Love of dogs or animals?
Find the women who you want to meet and write your profile according to what they desire. Throw in how much you like dogs dont SAY it write about a time you were with your dog and were happy by a lake, on a trail.
Or if she says she loves a tv show, Scrubs, for example, show some insight into the show when you email her recall an anecdote or great line that means something to you and let her know why.
You dont say Hi! I like dogs, arent I great! Or, Hey! I love Scrubs too, dont we have so much in common!
The key to being a successful, non-self advertising brand:
Express yourself, dont advertise yourself.
And let her come to you, the attractive brand.
Grant Adams, recently featured on ABCs How To Get The Guy, is the author of the Net2Bed Online Dating System Manual: How To Attract The Woman Of Your Dreams For a Night, For a Lifetime or Anything In Between. He offers several free resources, including 7 Online Dating Secrets. You can get your own copy here: http://www.Net2Bed.com.
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Wednesday, February 11, 2009
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